how is this even real?

january of this year we were having drinks at pappadeaux and now you're not here. how does something like this even happen?? this life is way too complicated for me. i would have given anything to trade places with you, jeremy. ANYTHING. you had way much more to live for. me? i have nothing. nothing. not one damn thing. i needed you so much. why can't you just come back? i would do anything just to have you back.