forgive me

yikes. i haven't written you in a while. sorry jeremy. i know you forgive me though because that's who you are, right?  i guess i should start off with a super heartfelt apology. here it is a new year and i haven't written you once and i'm truly sorry about that.  i've been pretty busy with school and i got off track.

i guess i should start at the beginning. so cynthia came to visit me in january and we had the time our lives. don't think i didn't think of you because we had a moment that i wanted to tell you about so bad and i was so disappointed that i couldn't tell you about it when it happened. so i got last minute tickets to a surprise foo fighters show which turned out to be totally insane!  since it was dave grohl's birthday he had a ton of surprise guests there, one of which was tenacious d and i just about lost it when i couldn't text you at that moment when they came out.  i know you would have been tripping out just from the sheer excitement of me telling you about it! paul stanley, alice cooper, zakk wylde, perry farrell, and even fucking david lee roth came out. it was so amazing, i just wanted to burst with excitement and tell you about it all!  well i guess i just did. haha  let me tell you jeremy, you certainly were there with me in heart. that i truly believe.

school started not long after her visit so i've just been pretty busy with that until now. i still have a little over 2 months left and then get this shit--i only have 7 classes left before i get my AA in art history so i can transfer!  i know you're proud of me, i know it!!

so fast forward to now. i don't know if you remember my friend nicole from middle school but she unexpectedly came to visit me here in LA and i found out something that i never expected i would.  she's been going through a rough marriage and i thought we were finally reconnecting again after not seeing each other in so long.  to make a long story short, she initially came here to go up north and visit a guy friend who it turns out is an ex friend of her current husband that she thought would be a great opportunity to cheat on him.  fucking shady, right?  well she ended up extending her stay since she was having a rough time back at home so i invited her to stay with me and bri. big fucking mistake. after going back and forth on whether to stay to escape an abusive relationship, she ended up getting a job and i thought things were looking up for her, which mind you, bri and i were completely willing to help her as much as we could by letting her stay here. well she ends up getting let go after one day. she still had interviews coming in so i figured she would find something else fairly quickly. nope. a couple of days after losing the first job, she got rejected by 2 more places and abruptly left one day while i was at school.  she texted me when i got out and gave me a sob story about being rejected and so she left to go back to tx to find work since she's a nurse by trade so she could save money and come back and find work here as a nurse in the future. no goodbye, just a hope that i wouldn't be mad or upset that she left so quickly.

this is where it gets REALLY fucked up. i come home to find a bin of makeup sitting out of its drawer in my room and so i finally reply back to her text asking about it. blah blah some bullshit about looking for a chapstick but my guard immediately goes up because we actually have several chapstick type products laying around the house in the open.

sure enough, over the past 3 days i find more makeup mysteriously gone.  then i find a gift card that bri gave me was missing.  i can't even think straight by now so who knows what else is missing at this point.  this bitch was invited into MY house and has the nerve to steal from me!  i confront her through email and text and naturally get no response until i find out her husband's number so i can finally out this thieving bitch and tell him what she's been up to because he really had no idea. and THEN she finally responds with a blackmail threat and tells me that she doesn't have to answer to me or anyone else and to leave her husband alone!  if that's the doesn't say she's guilty then i don't know what else does.

can you believe all this shit?  i literally want to tell everyone i can about this dumb whore and i can't do much of anything about her stealing from me.  i'm so livid, i swear.

the good thing is that i know if you were here you would totally get where i'm coming from.  you always find out who your true friends are in the end.  of course i have one less here that i needed so desperately right now which is why i'm telling you all of this.  i still need you jeremy and i think of you all the time.  and then comes the cycle of me getting angry all over again that you're gone. 

lesson learned though i guess. the good ones always leave you early and the ones you thought were good end up screwing you in the end.  i probably have about 2 really good friends left that i feel i can truly trust. and you--well you're gone. i will never stop being pissed that you're no longer here. i miss you every single day of my life.